“Nostalgia is a powerful feeling; it can drown out anything.” Terrence Malick

There are cultural items in life that act as a time machine transporting us back to happier days. They can elevate our mood in an instant, bringing a smile to our hearts and rescuing a burdened mind and spirit.

Like the scent of freshly cut grass brings to mind summer fun, or how the air smells after a good rainstorm; crisp fall mornings where the leaves have carpeted the ground as we once waited for the school bus to arrive; suntan lotion wafting in the air making the beach day come alive or a freshly baked apple pie that we eagerly awaited to be sliced in grandma’s kitchen. They all bring us back to a place we once belonged to and yearn for again.

Those songs that come on the radio and suddenly trigger feelings that wash over us like a strong breeze, lingering ever so briefly before completely fading away. Reminders of simpler times, the innocence of youth and loved ones lost.

Nostalgia represents something that we once were and although we can’t live there anymore, it allows us to visit for a while.

***

Mike is no stranger to having a major medical emergency and learning how to walk again. Before we met, in 2019, he had back surgery and ended up developing an infection that caused necrotizing fasciitis (flesh-eating disease) that attacked his left leg, which is the one currently affected by the stroke. Doctors wanted to amputate. Luckily, his friend, Paul, was there to advocate, along with his sons, and they saved his leg.

Mike was transferred to Westchester Medical Center’s burn unit where they did painful skin grafting treatments. His leg is a constant memory bearing scars and significant muscle loss.

Certain smells drag him back kicking and screaming to those days in the hospital where his leg was open and raw, a worse sight even than a scene of body mutilation in a horror movie.

And I imagine rotting flesh is something one never forgets.

His leg often bleeds because the skin is so thin that it is susceptible to being cut open by just about anything. I am constantly tending to his left knee area and keeping it bandaged because even a bump causes a bloody mess.

At times, feelings of anxiety and dread wash over him while he’s walking. It’s as if he’s back in 2020 struggling to bear weight on that now compromised leg. Walking down the stairs especially evokes a fair amount of PTSD from bad experiences and falls.

The best way Mike can describe what it feels like trying to walk again is being stuck in mud. Every step with his weak leg requires a huge amount of effort.

But he reports feeling a more natural gait emerging. There is more ease to his stride. He’s not needing to lean too heavily on the hemi-walker anymore. He can stand up straighter and walk with confidence. It’s the most normal he’s felt walking since the stroke happened. He praises God with every return of function.

***

Mike had an amazing week with therapy. He’s walking around the house and also outside with the hemi-walker and only using the wheelchair when he’s tired or weak. He’s doing stairs more confidently. He’s slowly reclaiming his independence and it’s wonderful to witness it.

There is still supervision required but it will only be a matter of time before that, too, will not be necessary. Jaycee thinks a few more weeks and he will be there. Mike is working hard towards that goal.

We attended the church picnic on Sunday after the outside service. We brought the wheelchair and kept it in the car just in case, but he did not want to use it. And he didn’t need to. He was able to walk with the hemi-walker to and from the car and sit in a regular lawn chair.

We had wonderful fellowship and made some new friends. When people see him at church, instead of looking the other way, they come up and introduce themselves. They surrounded us with love and encouragement. It was very much appreciated.

***

Mike and I went to see the Jaws 50th Anniversary showing at the Malta Drive-In Saturday night. It was a beautiful evening. As I walked into the concession stand to grab us some snacks, I was suddenly 12 again. From the foil-covered burgers and hot dogs in the heated bins to the jumbo soft pretzels swirling around in the display case, it was exactly as I remembered. I allowed the memories to flood my brain and took it all in.

Immediately, I was transported back to the excitement of preparing for the drive-ins with my sisters. We’d get in our pajamas and set up our “beds” in the back of the station wagon. I could even smell my dad’s cigar that he only indulged in a few times a year. I could taste the snacks my mom so meticulously packed for us to bring in the car. I could feel the rush of cold air as we drove home with the windows down all snuggled in our sleeping bags.

***

Then, the movie started. I looked at Mike and he looked at me in unspoken bliss. Because we weren’t just watching Jaws at the drive-in. We were drowning out the noise that has filled our lives for the past few months. Revisiting a simpler, carefree time where none of our struggles exist. A perfectly orchestrated nostalgic symphony providing comfort from the past and softening the jagged edges of the present.

***

If you look at Mike’s left upper thigh today, you can see the area affected by the flesh-eating virus very clearly. Its jagged, irregular outline surrounds an area of missing flesh now covered with a very thin layer of skin. While he is self-conscious about it, I think it’s pretty cool and it seriously looks like a shark bite!

Oh, just think of the story he could tell…

“I was in Tampa, Florida scuba diving to explore an old shipwreck about 30 feet down when a Great White came from below and grabbed my leg. I fought him off punching and punching with everything I had til he let go and I was able to get to the surface and be rescued.”

He said no, he’s not going to tell that story.

(Okay, fine, whatever.)

But plans are already in the works for a future couples Halloween costume. I will be the shark and he will be a surfer with a half-eaten surfboard and leg.

I think we’re gonna need a bigger shark bite, though

😜