In 30 days, I will marry the love of my life.

We are in the process of writing our own vows and as much as I love writing, I will admit I’m having a tough time putting my feelings to words. Some things are hard to express, plain and simple.

Over the last six months, I’ve been creating my vision for our horror movie themed reception, and it is all coming together perfectly. It’s very satisfying to see it to fruition.

Reflecting back on my 15 years as a divorced single mom in the dating world, I am mostly amused by it all. I remember I often looked at the whole process as akin to applying for a job position.

I mean, when you’re single, it feels like a full-time job looking for an available, qualified and motivated applicant. Someone willing to put in the effort and hard work necessary to be worthy of such a position in your life.

Being a good partner to someone takes hard work and dedication. It requires perfect attendance, showing up every day in every circumstance imaginable (and some not so imaginable).

Most job positions have the usual basic criteria to meet before you’re even considered for an interview or, in the dating world, the first in-person meeting.

Requirements to get an interview would look something like this:

• Must be a US citizen
• Have a good working car
• Own your own home or rent a clean, respectable apartment
• Currently possess full-time employment
• Meet minimum educational requirements of a high school diploma or GED
• Have all of your teeth
• No violent criminal history
• Submit to a drug test if required

Serious applicants only.

I mean, I, for one, would like to know the conditions of the road I’m about to travel on before I spend months of time, effort and money only to come to a dead end and have to turn back to where I began, enduring the extra mileage, significant wear and tear and wasted fuel.

(I mean, have you seen those gas prices lately???)

I was always transparent on dating sites. “Looking for a long-term relationship. All others need not apply.” or so many words…

Still, I would get all kinds of ridiculous, presumptuous and often crude messages from men looking for anything but monogamy or commitment.

One guy liked to call his dating style “ethical non-monogamy.”

Say that three times fast.

Basically, he was a player but had a polite name for it. He thought being “honest” about it made it ethical.

A job posting for “wife” would go something like this:

ISO (in search of) a job opening as a Wife a/k/a wifey, honey, darling, babe, dear, my love, better half, significant other.

Will not respond to ball and chain, old lady, housewife, battle axe, baby mama

Job duties include providing emotional support, peace and love along with companionship and household management to someone willing to reciprocate same and be a teammate, a confidante, my number one fan and my biggest cheerleader

About the Applicant: Loving and caring person looking for a partner who will be faithful, loyal, honest, will split chores, expenses and streaming service fees.

Experience Necessary.

Prerequisites: Must be willing to watch horror movies any time of year, communicate by talking and listening, not yelling or lecturing. Minimal texting during the workday to say hi and check in. Heart emojis and kissy face emojis appreciated but not mandatory.

***

Botox Update.

It’s almost 6 weeks since the administration of Botox. While Mike is seeing a significant increase in shoulder and upper arm movement from what he had before, unfortunately, he is not having that same improvement in his wrist or fingers.

It is only the first round of Botox and we know it’s a gradual learning curve, so there is still hope for more movement, but it’s been a bit disappointing to say the least.

He has a follow-up appointment with Dr. Doyle on Monday, March 16th, and that will be where we discuss what’s working, what’s not and where to make changes with dosing for next time.

***

Mike has felt a significant decline in his mood over the last couple of months. The excitement of the wedding is helping to give him something to look forward to, but with that comes the pressure to walk without a cane. He set that goal a while ago with his therapist, Jaycee.

He’s been doing great advancing towards it but last week suffered a setback. Some of it is medication related and some of it is just his own mental headspace.

Like most things in life, a lot of what holds us back is fear. On top of that, Mike has significant visual impairments. Walking without a cane requires more than just trusting his left side. It also means constant scanning and almost blindly trusting his environment at times. It is not easy for him.

We have had a good heart-to-heart and he has eased up a bit on the goal of no cane, at least for now. He is walking very well with the cane and that is a safe and effective method of transportation for him.

We will see the ophthalmologist at the end of this month and, hopefully, she will have some ideas for glasses that can help fill in the gaps in his field of vision and make navigating less stressful for Mike.

I’ve read about prism glasses and they are said to be a gamechanger for stroke patients. We are hoping Mike will be a good candidate for that.

***

This past Sunday at church, Mike was struggling physically. We usually gauge how he’s doing by how long he can stand during the opening music. He’s gradually built up the endurance to stand up straight and remain standing for the first three opening songs at church, which is about 20-25 minutes.

He needed to sit down early during the first song. He kept standing up and sitting back down at different points in the music. He was constantly shifting left to right. He confided that he just couldn’t get comfortable bearing weight on his left side and trying to stand up straight, which is what he’s been working on. His back was screaming at him the whole time and he felt “off”, he said.

I rubbed his back and told him it’s fine to sit and so he did. But it worried me. And I could tell it upset him.

At the end of church, we waited for the rows to clear before we walked out, as we usually do, and a woman who had been sitting behind us approached.

She put something in each of our hands and said, “I just wanted to give you both a little something to encourage you. I see you both every week in church and you have such a nice bond and partnership. He’s come so far and looks better and better every time.”

She said to me, “And you as a caregiver, I know it’s not easy and I see the love and support and it’s beautiful.”

We thanked her and introduced ourselves as well as got her name. She said, “Mike, keep fighting. You’ll get there. I saw you struggled today, but you look so good. Just keep fighting.”

We told her we are getting married next month and how much her words meant to us, especially that day.

Just that small gesture gave Mike such a boost. He was a different person the rest of the day. We talked on the way home how that woman blessed us more than she will ever know with that five-minute conversation.

Loudonville Community Church has been such a gift to Mike. I am so grateful for the love and support that everyone shows to us both and I’m so happy he feels at home there just like I do. Every Sunday, we encounter new people and new words of encouragement and it always humbles us.

This is what she handed us.

The words on His robe say, “Jesus loves you”. She asked us to both hold tight to this when we need encouragement.

We both carry this with us now.

Sometimes the biggest impact is felt by the smallest of gestures.

❤️