July 11, 2025

“It’s not a lie if you believe it.” -Seinfeld

Ringing in 2025 with Mike was a great start to what I thought would be an amazing year together. I anticipated a marriage proposal and we were planning a lot of new adventures like hiking the high peaks, skydiving and, if there was time, scuba diving.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I almost felt like things were too good, like I was too happy. This will sound so cheesy, but I literally would go to sleep every night with a smile on my face and thoughts of Mike and our future and when I’d wake up every morning, the first thing I’d do is thank God for bringing Mike into my life (which I still do 🙂

It was truly that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. And boy, did it ever.

Remember the olden days (insert sarcastic tone) when you actually watched regular TV shows and there were no streaming services? And during one of your favorite shows, and always at a pivotal moment, the show would suddenly stop and a message would run across the bottom of the screen. A blaring siren type noise would repeat…

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you an urgent message.

That was April 11th for Mike and I as a couple.

***

Mike has been having a lot of memories of his mom and what she went through when she had a stroke. She was 49. She had come home from being out and before waking up in the hospital, she last remembered going up her stairs. She laid on her stairs for hours before she was found. Mike sometimes says 22 hours, other times 14 hours. Either way, it was a long time.

Her right side was affected as well as her cognition and speech. She was so young to go through that. It seems like a foreshadowing for what Mike is going through now at just 53.

Mike knows he is very lucky to have gotten the help he did within a short period of time following the stroke. He has a chance for a full recovery that a lot of people don’t get, including his mom.

***

I’m in trial right now. We are at the end of our second week. This is our tenth full day. Most likely, the case will go to the jury Monday of next week. It’s equally exhausting and exhilarating being in trial as a court reporter. It’s my favorite part of working for the Unified Court System. I love seeing a case from beginning to end and being part of that process seeking justice for people.

This case is very interesting and mostly comes down to one question. Who do you believe?

When you think about it, in life, there are so many indicators when somebody may or may not be telling the truth.

But what if you really believe your own narrative? Are you lying? Or maybe you’re just lying to yourself. I think it all comes down to perspective, and intention. After all, most of us will see things differently in any given situation. If you intend to deceive others, then it’s a lie.

But if someone believes what they are saying is true, I don’t think it can be considered a lie, even if it’s factually incorrect.

For example, I know at Sunnyview, Mike was not lying when he said he saw things that other people couldn’t see. And while he gave his version of therapy as him walking down the hallway just holding onto the railing, I think he really believed that was true (and I think we all needed to believe it as well).

In reality, after talking with some nurses, it was maybe a few steps and it was with assistance, but there was no harm in letting him believe his narrative. Because to him, it felt like he was walking on his own. And it gave him hope, which makes all the difference in the world.

***

The Fourth of July was a lot of mixed emotions for Mike and I. We both kept feeling like we should be somewhere else, like there’s something we should be doing.

Our normal plans would always include Lake Placid, staying at his cabin and going hiking. Mike even apologized to me that we couldn’t do that this year and he confided in me that he knows it’s his fault that he had a stroke. Where do I even begin with that?

All I can do is reassure him that it’s not his fault, that he did nothing to cause the stroke and that I don’t want to be hiking or anywhere else if he’s not with me.

So we had a nice low-key weekend and we were able to enjoy dinner with his brother in their new home. His aunt and uncle from Texas came into town and blessed us with a wonderful visit as well. Mike’s Aunt Denise is a complete bad ass prayer warrior and she brought tears to Mike’s eyes with her strong, compelling prayers.

***

Mike is beginning to walk with a walker. When he told me last week that they got him up and walking, it was the happiest he’s sounded in quite a while.

PT also got him a brace for his left leg to keep it straight and prevent it from turning inward. He is enjoying this free movement. It’s just a matter of time when he will be able to use the walker independently. For now, he needs others around him for safety reasons.

Mike and I have been attending church regularly. He really enjoys it. All of my friends have embraced him and he is humbled to know that all of these people have been praying for him. He feels welcome and feels a connection with the pastor. It’s wonderful to see this fire burning in him to be close to God.

I try to get us out of the house as much as I can. It’s a bit tricky with stairs and the bathroom situation, so we don’t have too many options as far as visiting people. His brother, Steve, and his family moved to Saratoga Springs from Maine last week. Luckily, when we went to their new house on the Fourth, we were able to get his wheelchair inside, which is a huge blessing.

When people ask me how Mike is, I give the stock answer: Each day, Mike improves. Truly, he does. But it’s small improvements that cannot really be put into a quantitative statement at this point. Every little step forward is building to a giant leap soon to come.

Of course, he has come so far since being home from Sunnyview and since this all started on April 11th. His back pain is minimal and although PT and walking flares it up, it is to be expected and does not discourage him. He is able to work through it.

The literature says that the most improvement in stroke victims is seen in the first three to six months. Mike has had some setbacks but he is finally gaining momentum. The more he practices walking, the easier it should get. The brain is recognizing his left side more and more.

Mike’s goal is to be walking by the end of the summer. I will always encourage and support him, but I cautiously remind him that most likely, we are still looking at a year for full recovery, and that’s okay. But by all means, beat that statistic, My Love!

The highlight of Mike’s day (besides seeing me 🙂 is feeling his left foot on the ground and being able to stabilize himself to take small steps and move himself around the room. It takes great effort and concentration and, of course, the walker for support, at least for now. Watching him do even a couple steps and getting that left foot moving brings me to tears.

I am confident he will be able to walk on his own very soon.

So while I still have the feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop, it has taken on a new meaning now. 🙂

***

I recently was told how someone that barely knows me but sees me at one of the courthouses I visit thinks I walk around like, quote, my shit don’t stink. Even writing this out makes me cringe because that is so not me.

I treat everyone around me with respect and always greet others with a smile and a hello. Perhaps, they are confusing confidence for conceitedness. I love my job and I’m good at what I do. And I know it.

On another note, I am getting ready to sell my house so that I can move in with Mike before we get married. It will be easier for me to have one household to keep track of instead of two. And I will be able to help contribute to bills while Mike is not able to work. After all, that’s what partners do for each other.

In trying to be proactive, I had my septic tank pumped before listing my house and it was discovered that my leach field has failed. I was shocked as I have not had any issues with anything backing up into my house or even any bad smells, but it was pointed out that what I thought was black mud is literally my sewage in the backyard!!!

So, apparently, my shit DOES NOT stink! Ha, ha, ha.