“And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun and hold you in the palm of His hand” – On Eagles’ Wings reprise, written by Michael Joncas (1977)

***

My dad passed away when I was 24. I had been living in Manassas, Virginia at the time, having moved there four years earlier to begin my career as a court reporter.

My twin followed me when she graduated pharmacy school and was living in my basement with her soon-to-be husband at the time. It was three months before her wedding when we got the awful, early morning phone call from our sister, Rhonda, that dad was gone.

(My twin and her hubby just celebrated 31 years of wedded bliss yesterday. Sadly, that’s also how we remember how long dad has been gone.)

I remember I had to finish up some transcripts before making the trip home. I stayed up the rest of that night to get them done. It helped to have the distraction, actually. Being such a far distance away, I felt lucky to be somewhat removed from the reality of it all.

We traveled home to New York a day later and stayed for about a week or so. While I initially dreaded the wake, it was surprisingly comforting, partly because I got to see my dad. I just felt better that he was there, even if only in body. He had such a peaceful look on his face, like he was sleeping.

Family and friends generously provided amusing memories and stories about my dad and what he meant to them. My cousins especially loved him. While my heart felt like it had been emptied into that casket, hearing the love they carried for him helped to fill it again.

I can still feel the somberness of arriving to the funeral home for the wake. I remember the lighting in the room, the look of the hallway as we hung up our coats.

I remember once people started coming to pay their respects, we had Luciano Pavarotti playing on the boom box (my dad’s favorite opera singer). I felt a fan blowing on me and I was cold. I could smell fresh flowers wafting in the air, although the odor was quite strong and overwhelming at times and I felt sick.

I remember I had borrowed a dress from my sister, Rhonda. It was a long dress down to my ankles. I didn’t typically wear that length but it fit well and made me feel taller.

Random memories that don’t really mean much to anyone but me.

I remember looking at the clock and watching the time with trepidation. I didn’t want the wake to end, because I knew when it was over, I would not be able to see my dad again.

The funeral was the next day and it was extremely difficult seeing the casket closed. It was a harsh reminder of the finality of my dad’s life on earth.

During the service, they played one of my favorite songs from the Roman Catholic Church, On Eagles’ Wings. I had always loved that song but, now, the meaning of it hit me with such a force that I struggled to breathe as I cried and cried.

It’s a beautiful message of God’s promise that we are never alone. The eagle’s wings are a metaphor for divine protection and spiritual strength.

It took many years before I could hear that song again and feel comforted by it. Because I felt like the love I had for him had nowhere left to go.

But that love now exists in the many memories that I tightly cling to during difficult times. And being able to let go of the heavy pain from losing him has allowed me to carry his spirit with me.

***

If you’re into bald eagles, maybe you’ve followed the story of Jackie and Shadow. They are a mated pair of bald eagles and they live in a place called Big Bear Valley, CA.

Did you know?

Eagles are strictly monogamous.

Per Google: Eagles mate for life, typically staying with the same partner until one of them dies. However, if a mate does pass away, the surviving eagle will usually find a new partner.

(I just love that!)

Eagles are so fascinating! They usually choose a mate around the age of four or five years old. And they will engage in a dramatic and breathtaking courtship ritual called the cartwheel display, or death spiral. (I don’t know about you but death spiral sounds scary and not romantic at all!)

The pair fly high into the sky, lock their talons together and plummet downward in a series of spins and somersaults and then release each other right before they’re about to hit the ground.

This makes me wonder…

I imagine a soap opera in the eagle world…

On this episode of On Eagle’s Wings, Shadow invites Jackie to a courtship ritual. But things don’t go according to plan.

In midair, perhaps, even in mid-somersault, Jackie comes to her senses and thinks “What the heck am I doing? I’ve got more options to explore and Shadow can really get on my nerves sometimes. Plus, he can be pretty lazy. I can’t go through with this”.

Jackie suddenly lets go of Shadow’s talons. Somehow, he is able to avoid a near fatal collision with the ground. Jackie flies off feeling a sense of relief that she dodged a bullet but, actually, so did Shadow.

(hehe).

Anyway…

Jackie laid two eggs that successfully hatched this past April 4th and 5th! The chicks that were born were named Sandy and Luna. It is believed that Luna is a male and Sandy is a female. The only true way to know their genders is through a blood test. But based on a well-educated guess, with females being larger than males both in size and voice box, this seems to be a safe determination.

***

I remember very early on after meeting Mike thinking I could see myself marrying this man. It was somewhat surprising because I had always felt that I wouldn’t want that again. But there was something so familiar about him. We just clicked in every way that mattered.

I think partly because we are the same age and have similar childhood memories with movies and music that we both grew up with. And of course, our shared love of all things horror.

Then, just as we were gaining momentum, Mike had the stroke. When I found out he was in Albany Med, I couldn’t get to him fast enough. And once I was beside him, there was no other place I wanted to be.

(As an aside: I’m sure Mike would be all about performing a death spiral ritual, maybe insisting on us jumping out of an airplane as he proclaimed his undying love for me. Luckily, that’s not a thing in human courtship :-p)

***

Mike and I attended a concert at SPAC featuring Toto with Christopher Cross and the Romantics. It was our first concert with no family or friends there to help us. And we did great! I was worried and hesitant and almost gave into my apprehension, but I pushed through it and I’m so glad I did.

It was a beautiful night. We always do VIP now to have better bathrooms and less people to deal with. There’s waiters and waitresses, making it easier to get food and drinks. VIP is extra money but it’s worth it for us right now.

When we got into VIP, there were no tables or chairs left on the balcony and we were pretty disappointed. As we were walking around, a woman approached us and said she and her husband had two extra chairs at their table and we were welcome to sit with them. They had a great vantage point of the stage.

Then, a waitress recognized us from last year and she came over and said to Mike, “Look at you! No wheelchair! You’re doing so great! Keep it up!”

We thanked her and chatted a bit. I said to Mike, “Look how far you’ve come. And just think about where you’ll be next year. We’ve got this!” I could see the pride in his smile.

We stayed til the very last song, which was Africa. There was no way I was missing it! And Mike did amazing. We still had quite a walk to the car and no issues at all. The cane light came in handy once again!

Mike is doing so great. Sometimes I need to remind myself where we were a year ago because of how far away that feels. I thank God for those moments of gratitude and reflection.

***

Unfortunately, Jackie was recently attacked while trying to get dinner for her family. She managed to fend off two subadult eagles but was injured in the process and could not fly away.

While being treated for her injuries, the veterinarians found that she has a severe case of anemia and inflammation infecting her kidneys. They aren’t sure why, but this likely started before the attack.

Meanwhile, at home, Shadow has stepped up his game to defend their territory as well as provide food for the growing eaglets.

I can only imagine that he misses Jackie and is worried about her. My heart breaks thinking about it. Does he understand what happened? Does he know she’s still alive and is coming back?

I worry, though. What if he thinks she died and isn’t returning? How long before he decides to move on?

Can you imagine???

On this episode of On Eagle’s Wings, Jackie is back in good health and returns to the nest, only to find she’s been replaced.

“Honey, I’m ho — wait, who is this ho?”

“Jackie, you’ve been gone so long. I had to care for the babies by myself. They kept me up all night and day. I’m exhausted. I can’t do this by myself. I didn’t think you were coming back, so I moved on.”

“Are you kidding me? I fought off not one but two others so I could feed my family. Then, I was injured and taken by humans to a rehab facility. Not like I had a choice in the matter.”

“Did you even think of that?”

“I mean, we did that whole death spiral thing. You don’t think I had my doubts twirling through the air like a fool with you?”

***

Luckily, Shadow is staying put for now. The experts feel that he will not move on, at least not until his hormones kick in which they estimate to be about December. Hopefully, Jackie is home long before then and there won’t be any surprises. I can only imagine how much she misses her partner and her babies.

Shadow’s heart is undeniably broken. On top of that, he’s the sole caretaker of the babies. Being thrust into that situation is no easy task, especially so unexpectedly.

But I choose to believe he senses what’s going on with Jackie, that he knows they will be reunited someday.

And what a joyous reunion that will be.

I can imagine it now.

Soaring high into the sky.

On eagles’ wings.